Let's not be so plastic. Let's be content with who we are and call it a life

That sums it up.  When I people watch, I think this constantly.  This city is a plastic island, and the world at large, just as plasticized.   Recently, I've found myself molding to fit the needed persona that seamlessly fits this plastic lego castle.  The one with the pirates.  or maybe the spaceship one.  

*~Choking Hazard~* Not appropriate for children under 6 years.  

WHAT?  Sccccccccratch. And the Record skips, skips, skips.

That's not me.  That's not my MO.  In fact, that's so unbelievably opposed to my MO that I'm concerned.  I'm truly, and deeply concerned.  

I'm concerned that I am falling for the "same shit, different day" mentality of most of the people out there, instead of being me.  

I'm weird.  Totally.

I'm flighty and picky and introverted and the center of attention and happy and manically depressed and really more complex than most people can handle.

But I'm also amazingly good at everything I set my heart on.  I excel.  I can and I do.  

It's the Catholic upbringing and the backwards world of the 'gifted child' that stifle those things in me.

It's having to move with the herd at times and to pretend that I understand what it's like to be simple.

I don't.

It makes me uncomfortable trying.  

I am a ridiculous mess of a woman.  There is little I will not say and there is little I will not do.  I have my beliefs and my morals, but I judge nothing...seriously, I don't give a flying whatever...about anything anybody does.  Just letting it wash over tai chi style*.  

*Ok, well no, I WILL point out how much of a wanker someone is, without the slightest regard, but I really do not care---that's your thing, that's your issue, that's your baggage.

I have my hands, my toes, and my heart in all sorts of places.  Some are more important than others now and some will be more important than others later, because I'm a transient sort of artform. 

I want to learn and do and be constantly.  

I know a great deal.

I can dance, sing, write, talk, counsel, bitch, rationalize, accept, flow, stop, go, live, sleep, run, rest, retain ungodly amounts of scientific data in my brain, preach a perfect diet and then eat oreos, and so on and so on et nauseum.

But I'm approaching 30 and I see a lot of my fellow decade changers getting all content with themselves, like they are finished, done growing, just going to be.  So i start to feel like I should be content, finished, and just be.

Forget it.

I'm working hard on being content with myself. 

 I have repeated the mantra 

"It's probably something wrong in their lives, I am ok being me.  I didn't do anything wrong" 

about 4000x each day for about 27 years.  

It'll work sooner or later.

I am not finished.

I could explain why right here and make this blog into my autobiography of all the shit Audrey is going to do and see and experience and be amazing at, but then IaMuNoRdInArY would be a single work...and I don't do single, finished projects.  

I, my friends, am a beautiful work in progress.

So, I'm going to write as often as possible and I'd like feedback: your own stories, things that you think I'm wrong about and things that you think I'm right about, and maybe things you just don't understand.

That ought to get me to where I want to be...so this blog is a cathartic journey to me learning to "be"

"be" being defined as: be content with my differences.

I'd like to encourage readers to "be" the same.

That and my stream of thought is brimming and a friend recently mentioned how much he'd like me to write again.

Here I am.  I promise to be uncomfortably exposing of myself.

So read it.

Oh, and if anyone wants to make it all pretty and design for me, that'd be rad.

- Aud*

*for those who never read before, Audrey's my pen.  as in my former: "Audrey's Thinking"...as in I look like Audrey Hepburn and i think a lot and I don't necessarily need people to read this with me in mind.  just audrey.  thinking