Let your honesty shine, shine, shine, like it shines on me...

the only living girl in New York.


This past week I had a breakthrough.  


I had a breakthrough that will make the rest of my life insanely amazing.  


Never mind what my breakthrough actually was, let's review what it did for me this week...


I spoke to my kid brother whom I love very much and haven't said a word to (besides the conversation I was forced into on Christmas Day), in 15 months.  I told him what I thought, how he'd hurt me, and why I need him in my life.  He was calm and nonchalant about how he loved me too and how he wanted me to be a part of his.  We've connected in some way, be it text, voicemail, or in conversation every day since.


I overslept and missed a client Monday morning, I showed up and immediately said, "I overslept, I'm going to give this job the attention it needs and not do this again".  
I meant it.  
That was that, all cleared up.


I brought genuine happiness and just let what I could have taken as negative energy, into account and just opened up the more positive end of things, pointing out improvements and encouraging a relationship in a group effort I'm involved in, rather than sitting and dwelling and whining and complaining about how horrible a lot we drew.  


I counseled someone into a powerful place, where change is inevitable...where she will thrive and improve and make less excuses and make the things she wants to improve on possible.  
I don't even need to wait to see her results, I KNOW she will be successful.


I let go of the sadness in a close friend's terminal illness and really talked to her and made her laugh and feel invigorated.  I also let the fact sink in that she sought ME out to spend time with today, because I make her feel better.  
She didn't have to tell me.  I knew.


I had my first real hug.  
The first hug I can remember that didn't come with a reason, or any feeling of trepidation, or any noise in my head that might ruin how good a hug, as I've recently discovered, feels.


I felt a friend telling me how important I am. 


I HEARD my father telling me how proud he is of me.  


I noticed things.  


There were 23 people on my train car this morning between Clark st and Wall st.  I made sure I got a look at each of their faces.  
There's a set of white french doors next to the coffee shop i go to every morning and have for the past 5 years.  I finally saw it.  I wonder what's behind it.  


There's an inkling of hope in every moment and in every encounter.  


It's all possible.


I have laughed harder and more genuinely about so many things.  


I sleep better too. 


I feel like i made 150 close friends last weekend.  Really, 150 people who know ME, not my act, not my super-ego...ME.  


Shitty parts, awesome parts, scared parts, tough parts, angry parts, silly parts.


My work is better, my experience of each day is better and I am genuinely happy and excited about life.


It's because I'm communicating.  


I'm approaching every moment with a presence.  


I'm relating from a positive, loving place with everyone I encounter.  


I am living my life.  


I am not going to go back to letting my drama and my mishaps ruin experiencing the life I really want to live anymore.  


It's crazy that I started writing again just in time to figure it out.  


I'll be sharing those epiphanies and the sweet moments of my days from now on.  I hope to inspire your happiness too, through my words, and share my new light.  


I went to sleep a long time ago.  I just woke up.


It feels amazing.