Admiration, the most sought after income in the universe

"I admire you."


Who doesn't want to hear that?  Someone expressing that your way of being inspires and strikes them with a sense of awe and a desire to be...you.


Have you ever experienced someone's admiration when you were being inauthentic?


Notice how you felt anxious or uneasy, or maybe you felt relieved, if you're as inauthentic as that would suggest.  


It's all because admiration is something we all want from life.  We look at magazines, print and television ads.  We read biographies.  We teach children about the fantastic people in history that have changed the world and stood for something and created something truly beautiful in their time here. 


Everyone wants to be admired for something.  Some people want what the world defines as BIG dreams and BIG ideas.  These ideas are only BIG in scale.  That doesn't make them more admirable.  


Let's say there's a little old man who lives alone in a tiny apartment.  He pays all of his bills on time, he always keeps his space neat and clean.  he has no family.  He leaves his apartment every day to get his coffee and his paper, sits in the park or in a cafe on rainy days, reads the paper and then heads to the market to get the items he needs to make dinner.  He spends 2 hours cooking every night, sets the table, puts on his favorite music, enjoys every bite, cleans up, writes in his journal and gets to sleep.  On Tuesdays and Fridays he does his laundry at the laundromat and on Sundays, he goes to services at his church.  He gives $10 every week to the church fund and in every place and thing he does, he makes sure to make eye contact and smile at every person he encounters.  


He's someone who does what he does and is on time and pleasant and wanting to connect with others.  He gives of himself because he wants to, not because he's bound to get something from it.


As humans, we forget that this is real and true and beautiful.  We likely see this man as someone who is boring and lazy and introverted.  


We would rather talk about people who have done amazing things.  BIG scale things...


I have two perfect examples as to why this is completely and unfortunately despicable...


Audrey Hepburn.  


My pseudonym's namesake.  She was beautiful, charming, talented, strong, and generous with her time, giving to charity, working with children in Africa into her elder years, being a glorious mother.


Audrey Hepburn was hospitalized twice for trying to commit suicide.  She was married twice to horribly abusive men.  She was sick, anorexic and perfectionistic.  


I still admire the prior list.  The latter proves her to be a story.  A story we only share the good parts of.


Steve Jobs.

He gave us Apple.  He gave us amazing technology and devices that allow us to be more effective and connected and give us the time to truly live in the world.


Steve Jobs had a terrible relationship with his family.  He was despondent, dominating, and rarely around.  His work was his life.  They were just fluff.


I still admire the prior list.  The latter proves him to be a story.  A story we only share the good parts of.


Admiration is the most sought after income in the universe.
Everyone who takes less is always second best.  
In order to be admired, we must allow ourselves to be seen for who we are.  
We must present our inauthenticities and admit that they have driven us to our need to be admired.  


At the end of the day, false admiration won't make us happy.  Simple self-love and contentment will give us the true self that we need to carry on living a life we love with hope and happiness.


Food for thought...  


Your welcome.
XOXO, Audrey

And...GO

It's been a while.  I was busy.  I was also confused.  I'm neither right now.
I spent some time opening my mind further to new ideas and I am now ready to share them.
It doesn't matter how my day goes...or yours for that matter.
In actuality, it's just a day.  It's just 24 hours, 1440 minutes.
It's just this happened, this didn't, he said, she said, blah blah blah.

My further idea says this:

So what?

Did you enjoy it?

Because, if the answer is no, you've failed at life.

OUCH, Aud!  Did you get hurt or something?  Did you get told your don't know it all.

Nah. I didn't. I already know I don't, but I do know something that I stand for, for the rest of my life.  I've stood for it forever, but I've never had it defined.  Now I have, and I'm proud of myself.

I live.

I don't get resigned to whatever it is that certain someones believe is "the way it goes" or that is "fine for now" or who "aren't getting any younger".

In my life I know I'll aspire professionally to all the possibilities I believe in. In love...I will too.  I'm sure it will be unconventional the way it all goes down, but I will.

I tend to get stuck.
I tend to allow for it.  All of it.
I tend to accept him for his shortcomings, while he derails me for my accomplishments.
I do.
It's terrible.
I know.

I'm not a masochist.  I was just occurring like one.  I'm actually a forthright, bra burning, simple person-hating, femi-nazi bitch.

Yep, I am.

I'm also a delicate, quiet, gentle, and passionate person.

Yep, I am.

I'm also a woman who doesn't need anyone to help her, but would love for an offer.

Yep, I am.

I'm also a girl who still likes printed tights and thick wool sweaters that drown my femininity and my "grown-up-ness"

Yep, I am.

I'm also a woman who will use my legs to drop jaws and shut simple people up so I will be heard.  and I will WIN.

Yep, I am.

I'm RECENTLY  a woman who loves herself.  Who knows exactly what she wants and gets it.  A woman who rolls out profanities ablaze when she doesn't get what she's asking for.

SERIOUSLY?  Yep, you bet I am.

Because I've given.

I've always been the shoulder to cry on, or the friend to "have your back" or the one you can bounce your ideas off of.

That's a sound board.

I'm a human being.

I'm worth so much more than being some one's bobble head while they rant and rave about the travesty of their "Do not resuscitate" life.

Forget it.

They'll have to juice me to get me to leave.

I am taking a stand to ignore ignorance.
To ignore negative thoughts, feelings, expressions, and energy.

I am taking a stand to NOT foster the negativity.

So here's my advise if you'd like a friend like me:

1.  You don't like your job?  quit.
          * If this isn't possible, you've created your hardship by not budgeting to have a cushion to get the
             hell out.  YOU DID THIS
2.  You're not in love with your significant other any more.  get out
         *  Marriage is a choice.  Choose wisely.  You'll be fine if you're alone.  In fact, if he really does
             drive you this crazy, you'll be better.  If you just want to bitch and nothing is wrong SHUT UP.
3.  30 is not old.
         * if you truly believe it is, you need to cheat on your spouse, do some LSD, and frigging live your life.  Not that these things are necessary for living, but 30?!?!.  I still get pimples.  Old people do not get pimples.  I also have 5 years until I reach my sexual peak.  The only people who are old at 30 are men.  they're 11 years past their peak and likely screwing a chick who's got at least 14 years to go.  (they're so on the same level.  I mean, it's scary how much they have in common).
4. Crying. Talking, Expression.  Freaking out.  and BREAKING DOWN.  are a really real part of living.
          * if you're not invested in your life enough to be hurt when things don't go your way, you might as well die and get dirt thrown in your face.

Seriously.  We get this shot.  Why not live every day like you could burst at the seems with presence and excitement and a drive towards your dreams?

Cynicism.  It'll be my plea for not guilty when everyone drops like flies and I'm still chillin, being happy.

Get over yourself, your story, your baggage.  Get over what keeps you where you are.  and...


GO